Love Changes

    I have learned many things from my story, and one thing in particular that I have learned is that love changes. My story begins fifteen years ago when I was born, and even though I don't remember my early years, I still know relevant pieces to my never ending puzzle. My mom was a stay at home mom, who homeschooled my brother and me. My brother is a little less then ten years older then me, and he has always been my knight in shining armor. My biological father was a P.A. for the military, and naturally we moved around a lot.

    We settled down in a city not too far from Dallas, Texas around the time I was three or four. The first house I can remember was in the semi-country, and I called it the mouse house. We lived close to this field that, in spring, would have a bunch of mice, and they would try to move into our house. It turned into a large problem, and my biological father set up a bunch of those sticky mouse traps all around the house. I remember once when I was getting ready for church I stepped on a mouse trap that was in my closet, and my mom had to pry it off.

    We moved to the second house that I can remember, and my nickname for the street was Milky Way. That name started when I heard my mom say the name of the street and I thought she said Milky Way. It had a front yard completely made of rocks instead of grass. It was in this house that I made a realization that would end my childhood innocence. First of all, I knew that my biological dad had anger problems, but I never second guessed it. I thought that it was normal for a dad to get angry, yell, threaten, insult, manipulate, and hit his family. I even thought I loved him.

    It was an instinctual love, though, and he earned my love by buying me random presents. Any shiver of love I had for him died on a Sunday. We had gone to church that morning and we went to Golden Corral for lunch, his favorite. I was too young to understand what was happening, I was around eight to be exact. I remember that my mom, brother, and he had an argument then he gave them both letters. He told me something about his leaving for good, and out of innocent instinctual love I asked my mom if I could go out and at least say goodbye.

    My mom raced me out into the parking lot and I was in tears. I screamed at him to stay with us as I approached the minivan sliding door. It was in the moment that he tried to pull me into the car saying that I was going with him that I screamed  that I hated him and wanted to stay with my mom and brother. Instead of him driving away and us never seeing him again, he looked at my mom and me and told us that he would see us at home.
    So, I'm sure we have all heard the phrase that love never dies. Although there may be someone who believes in that, I have learned that love changes. My instinctual love for my biological father changed day, and eventually ended. Just like trust, love has to be earned by those who have hurt you. I'm happy to say that he has not and never will regain my love, because there are better people for me to invest my love in.