Divorce Amoung Baptists

    Adjusting to life after my biological father was challenging, but at the same time it was relaxing. We felt a peace that we had did not know existed. My mom was able to do things that she loved without being manipulated into feeling guilty. My brother was able to be a teenager finally before he went college. I was able to do the things I loved without having to worry about upsetting him. We were free.
    I started what has turned into almost nine years of counseling. I was a normal outgoing child, and I don't feel like my biological father changed that. There are moment when I would experience a trigger that would make me shut down, but not any more. I went through a lot of therapy and am now a functioning member of society, I guess you could say that. The only current signs of my childhood are evident in my insecurities. The insults that my biological father used to call me are still in my head every time I feel insecure. The list is alone the line of ugly, stupid, useless, and trash. The though that no one will love me no matter what I do.
    My brother and I were homeschooled, and it was hard adjusting to the changes we faced. My mom had to get a part time job, and I had to start in my first school. My brother and I had been homeschooled our whole lives. I personally think that was just another way for my biological father to control us.
    We didn't get away from him sooner because we didn't know that anything was wrong. I mean, sure he had anger problems, but we thought that that was the case with every family. Even if we had relied on help from other people we would not have found any. My biological father is a master manipulator, and every time we were in front of people he would pretend to be a perfect person. He was a music minister, hobby filled, and all around military man. When we divorced him, people who were not close enough to us to have noticed the signs didn't believe us.
    We went to a Baptist church and were surrounded by Christian Texans. To Baptists divorce is bad, and they believe that a divorced woman should be shamed. The people in our church that did not understand blamed and almost shunned us. My best friend was taken away from me because my biological father was close to her parents and he lied to them. Getting away from my biological father was something that we had to do on our own, because we lost around half of the people that were our friends.
    I hate denominations. I grew up thinking that the church was a support group that was supposed to help you when you go through something tough. I was taught that we go to the church to grow and learn. However, the only thing that I learned from church was that the people will be there for you until you do something that happens to go the slightest bit against what the rules of their denomination says. I made this discovery about myself at a young age, but I feel that it was too young because I can't do anything about it. I'm stuck going to a church that I feel unexpected and unwanted in because of a choice that my mom made to save me and my brother. All I know is that it is
not right.