Justice Wasn't Worth It

    I guess I'm lucky because it could have been worse...a lot worse. The reason my brother is my knight in shining armor is because he was aware of the danger of my biological dad, and he made the decision to do everything within his power to protect me from that danger. Whenever he would notice the signs of an outburst he would give me some form of an excuse to get out of the room. For example, he would tell me to go play the piano, go into my room, or something. For a while I told people that he made me a secret place in my closet with blankets and a radio to block out the noise, but it was just me exaggerating the appreciation I had for his protection.
    Another reason why I'm lucky is that I always felt like I was my biological father's favorite. I'm not sure why, and I don't think anyone can tell me why, but I didn't get the worst of the abuse. Majority of it was focused on my brother, and to this day I still have not been told the extent of it. Though, majority of my abuse was more emotional. I still have that list of names in my head like trash, worthless, and worse ones, and whenever I take a personal risk they pop into my head.
    The third reason why I'm lucky is because of my mom. She was always very positive, and she did everything to protect me as much as she could. In my childhood my mom did everything in her power to make me one of those extremely sheltered kids, and I now realize that it was her way of protecting me. I mean, if she couldn't protect me from my biological father maybe she tried to protect me from the things that was within her abilities.
    When my brother was getting ready for college he realized that once he left that I would be my biological dad's new target. All I know is that he told my mom that if she didn't get a divorce then he wasn't going to college. My mom packed the necessities that we needed, and we basically escaped. My brother stayed at his best friend's house, and my mom and I stayed at the home of her closest friend that I called my aunt.
    I do not remember exactly what I was thinking as an eight year old about the whole situation, but I do remember having nightmares. I would have horrible dreams and wake up to a wet bed, I wouldn't even walk into my biological father's closet, and I made two hospital visits due to stress. I had horrible abdomen pain, and at one point the doctors thought that my appendix was bursting before they realized it was stress. The next step after discovering that I did not have a medical condition, was what has turned into seven years of counseling.
    Through the process of getting away from my biological father, my mom had two choices. The first choice was to sue him, my biological dad, for domestic violence and child abuse. However, if my mom chose that way of escaping him she would have to put my brother and me through a painstaking trail without the promise of the trial ending in our favor because domestic abuse is extremely hard to prove without overwhelming physical evidence. In the end my mom attained a divorce along with a restraining order because the justice of a trial would not have been worth the scars that it would leave.